I've blown a few things in my day
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
