it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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