margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
