he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
