after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
