Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
