Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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