dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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