My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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