Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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