That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
