why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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