I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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