Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
