It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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