that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
