I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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