I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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