Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
