Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
