Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
