Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize