i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
