Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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