I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize