This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
