If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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