Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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