now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
