the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
