After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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