Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
No subtext here. People are naked.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
