I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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