I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
