your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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