census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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