Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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