With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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