im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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