Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
