Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
