Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
PANTIES FOUND
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