I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
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