I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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