you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
