If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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