You can't special order awesome
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
