So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
