You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
