Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
