So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize