Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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