Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
