i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
