Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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