i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
how drunk are you?
Several
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
