Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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