You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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