He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
