standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
