thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
