Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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