I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
