Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
