Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
