he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
