I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize