Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
