He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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