apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
