i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I smell like Dick and happiness
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
