Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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