people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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