New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
