She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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