I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
