He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
