Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
