someone owes me an orgasm
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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