if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize