you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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