Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
