my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
