oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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