Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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