Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Michael Bay diarrhea
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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