Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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