i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize