I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
