so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
