Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
