don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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