we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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