I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
