Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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