I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
